My friend Judy said, “I went to see my HMO doctor today,” and I responded: “I think our doctor is an HMO, but Lanny thinks he’s straight.” She laughed.
For some reason, I need a higher volume on the TV than Lanny. While we were watching our favorite Netflix TV series last night, he said, “Our neighbors get to enjoy our hi-deaf Cable TV without even paying for it.” And, no, I didn’t turn down the volume. Harrumph!
“Thank you for shouting at me,” said no hard-of-hearing person ever. At least Lanny finally admitted that he sometimes has trouble hearing. Coming from a long line of hearing-impaired people, he said, “I may, just MAY, need to have my hearing checked. Everybody is starting to sound like Bob Dylan.”
Lanny has a certain amount of vanity when he considers having a hearing aid stuffed in his ear. “Don’t worry about it, Lanny,” I consoled him. “Just tell people you’re a spy.” He wasn’t amused.
My favorite hearing loss cartoon has five elderly women walking together at a Christmas tree farm. The first one says, “Did you pick up your tree?” The second one says, “Yeah, I hurt my knee.” The third one says, “WHAT? You want to ski?” Then the fourth lady says, “No, I don’t have my key.” Finally, the fifth lady says, “Yeah, I have to pee.”
I recall one day that an elderly customer came into our store to buy an umbrella. She misunderstood my dad when he asked, “Is it still misting?”
“Yes,” she said with a sigh. “I still miss him.”
Even our eleven-year-old dog Jackson is experiencing hearing loss, as well as failing eyesight. He was once a fawn-colored boxer with a black muzzle. These days he’s more like cinnamon toast with a dusting of powdered sugar.
And just like Lanny and I must do with each other, sometimes we have to repeat things for Jackson. That’s right. A few minutes ago he was staring at me with his penetrating black eyes. Since he had already eaten, I asked, “Do you want to go outside?” He just stood there, staring at me. I raised my voice and repeated it: “DO YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE?” He got excited and ran to the door. Bingo!
I hope Lanny doesn’t trip over the ottoman when I asked, in all caps, if he’s ready for dinner.