Writing for public view is an interesting process. In the beginning there is always shock that anyone would want to read anything you have written. Afterwards, when you factor in a few “attaboys,” you may think you’re not too bad. Later as you continue, you either come to believe that you’re great or that you enjoy writing enough to continue (better). Much of how you feel about being a writer is governed by the response you get from others. Just the other day I received an e-mail that left me baffled. I could not understand it until Cindy pointed out that it was in response to a past column. I was not accustomed to thinking someone would actually read my work, much less comment on it. Within that context, I decided it was highly complimentary and thus, true.
Responses or criticisms can be positive as well as negative. It is said that both help us while the negatives are especially good character builders. We all handle criticism differently. Monte Walsh would look the critic directly in the eye and say, “You have no idea how little I care.” My old college roommate, Jack Reeves would say, “It is important for you to understand that your opinion carries no weight with me whatsoever.” Mark Twain said, “I like criticism but it must be my way.”
How we accept criticism in life states volumes about who we are. Individuals with low self esteem are literally sent reeling by unflattering criticism. Self confident folks accept it gracefully and move forward, considering it a lesson well learned. Be assured that anytime you issue an idea, someone will respond to it in one way or another. That being said, I believe that how we give criticism speaks volumes as well and may be more important.
When we respond to others, what is our goal? Is it to foster improvement or degradation? Many times we try and make ourselves look good at the expense of others and I don’t think that is a worthy venture. Must our responses always be truthful? Of course, but we can choose to accentuate positive aspects. The person who has lost fifty pounds doesn’t need to be told they are still overweight. Rather they should hear praises for the hard work they have put into the program. Nineteenth century Quaker missionary Stephan Grellett said “Keep your words sweet---you may have to eat them. I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”
Proverbs always has something clever and meaningful to say. In chapter 3, verse 3 we find, “let not mercy and truth forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.” Our responses must be sensitive and caring, even when responding to a column. There just might have been a misprint.