As I reflect on our widows and widowers Game Day sponsored by our church today, I want to share a few things with intended encouragement. This special day derives from James’ admonition to care for widows and orphans. It doesn’t say to spoil them, and widowers just got thrown in for good measure, but our church does a thorough job of spoiling us all every time.
Jesus promises to each believer never to leave us nor forsake us. A lifetime with the gift of a spouse tends to train us toward becoming used to them, bonding more and more, and sometimes even tending to take them for granted or unduly depending on them until they have gone home, no more to return to us. As David said of his child, I will go to him, but he will not come back to me. We each have some special memories of our departed spouse. Here are a few thoughts, intended for encouragement, laughter, and joy in the midst of grieving, and finding Him to be our “all in all.”
One of the first things I recall from my marriage is gaining more insight into my own selfishness than was comfortable. An example of my ego is that although I was very inexperienced in the kitchen I proceeded to make some suggestions to Pat along the lines of “kitchen efficiency.” I soon gathered that such comments were not only unsolicited, but both they and me were no longer welcome in the kitchen. This “efficiency expert” was merely throwing a log jam into any future kitchen productivity. Have you ever found yourself in a jam where the best thing you could contribute was to make a quick exit?
The other side of that coin is that God created us and marriage for purposes that include companionship. The more vulnerable, humble, open, honest, sensitive, empathetic listener we become, the deeper can become our shared relationship. I made it a point to sit in a chair across from my wife’s easy chair daily in an attempt to listen to how she was doing, and in sharing what I had experienced so far that day. She still often felt I was doing too much outside the home, but certainly our dialog helped us both. Our mere presence comforts and adds security even when words are not exchanged.
One of her favorite pass times was for me to read aloud from Jan Karon’s books, soothing and peaceful, much like Father Tim’s dog experienced whenever he read the scriptures aloud. And suddenly like a very special nut in a fruit cake, a thief would fall out of the church attic, confess his sins, and experience the marvelous gift of forgiveness and eternal life. (Try reading “At Home in Mitford” if you don’t understand.)
I hope you have discovered, and practice daily, the choice to focus on Jesus our answer, and NOT play into Satan’s hands by focusing on and worrying about your daily circumstances. God sovereignly places those circumstances in our lives for us to trust Him with them. Since He has taken our mate home, the best we can do is thank Him daily for taking perfect care of them, something we were unable to do. May He personally comfort, guide, encourage, enliven, and use you in your new roles, with His peace.
