It's the week after Christmas. Just like brothers anywhere, 18-month-old Henry and Ben play in the floor with new toys. But the New Year will find them in a new country, surrounded by new, loving families.
On November 15, 2007, Mr. Lancaster came home from Vietnam with Henry, his 17-month-old adapted son.
As any single parent would attest, there is much to learn. But the biggest surprise may have been when Lancaster found out Henry most likely has a twin brother that was adopted at the same time by a young couple from Wisconsin.
Meet Joe and Katie Willerth, residents of Racine, Wisconsin and the proud parents of Ben. Katie started an online Yahoo group for parents of children that were referred by Dallas-based Adoption International. It wasn't long before the Willerths and Lancaster began noticing similarities in their sons' backgrounds. Both were adopted out of the same small Catholic orphanage north of Ho Chi Minh City at 17 months of age. Both adoptive families were told their young sons were turned over to the orphanage by a mother who was working 10-hour days while leaving the baby in the care of older siblings.
Photographs seemed to confirm suspicions that Henry and Ben may actually be twins, but conflicting information made it impossible to verify. So, while preparing for DNA tests that will provide a definitive answer, the Willerth family decided to fly down to Texas so Ben could spend the holidays with Henry.
Now that Scott, Joe and Katie have time to reflect on their recent adoptions, all three express many of the same sentiments.
"It was a long process," Joe states plaintively.
While a lack of transparency made the steps leading up to the adoption a gut-wrenching experience, the trio quickly became captivated by the lush Vietnamese countryside and warm hospitality extended to visitors.
"I would enjoy taking a vacation in Vietnam," Katie said. "The people are so wonderful and the economy is thriving."
Tourists from Australia and all across Europe flock to gorgeous beaches, she says.
"It is so tropical and beautiful," Joe echoes, "and the people are so generous."
Scott spent over three months touring Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand prior to the adoption, as did his mother, Betty Lancaster. Betty, Scott, Joe and Katie all came home with great admiration for the kindness they experienced throughout the region.
Every country has different regulations that govern adoption. Joe and Katie had looked into trying to adopt a child from China, however Joe was under 30 years old at the time and Chinese regulations stipulate that prospective parents must be 30 or older. Scott's decision was swayed by the fact Vietnam didn't preclude single-parent adoptions.
All three had spent countless hours online learning as much as possible about the benefits and concerns connected with adoptions in certain regions. Some countries were simply placed off limits by the U.S. State Department due to improprieties and questionable adoption practices. Statistics indicate some regions produce a higher percentage of children affected by alcohol fetal syndrome.
In most countries, there is a slightly higher number of boys awaiting adoption, but if an adoptive parent is in search of a little girl, China seems to offer the best odds of making that dream come true.
"Vietnam just seemed to be the most open," Joe explains, adding that the information he and Katie gathered seemed to point to the conclusion that Vietnamese adoptees tended to be younger, healthy and loved by their caregivers.
The fact they have bonded with us so well," Joe remarked as he watched Ben and Henry play on the Lancaster living room floor, "is an indication they were treated well."
But Joe has more than an indication; he has a memory that shows just how attached the caregivers were to the boy the Willerths were taking back to Wisconsin. As the car pulled away from the orphanage, one of the ladies ran beside the car. Ben had his little hand pressed against the inside of the glass. The caregiver pressed her hand against the outside of the window. Tears streamed down her face.
"She was crying...I was crying," Joe says softly. "Everybody just kept saying, 'They're so lucky to be going to the U.S.' "
Then he pauses to watch his son for a moment before finishing the statement.
"I feel like I'm the lucky one."
NOTE: The proud new parents advise prospective adoptive families to learn as much as possible by visiting Websites and talking to others that have completed the process. Do your homework. Ask every question up front. Yahoo groups (key word Vietnam adoption) are a great place to start. Also, find a pediatrician that has extensive knowledge of issues common to international adoptions. Expect the process to take at least one year and the cost is estimated at $25,000, however the U.S. government gives an $11,800 tax credit the first year to new adoptive parents. Other Websites include www.uscis.gov and www.adoptvietnam.org
Scott Lancaster's blog is www.scottlan.blogspot.com
Joe and Katie Willerth's blog is www.journey4babyben.blogspot.com
