How come when my husband Lanny stands there with nothing on but socks, white socks look okay, but dark-colored socks make him look cheap and sleazy? Face it---dark socks, as a lone fashion accessory, create a poor impression.
Too, if a man is going to be wearing just his underwear, he should always tuck his undershirt way down into his underpants. This is the “look” favored by the confident, sharp-dressing men found in the underwear section of the now-long-gone Sears catalog, who are often depicted standing around in Rotary-Club-like groups, looking relaxed and smiling, as if to say: “Our undershirts are tucked way down into our underpants, and we could not feel better about it!”
These men live in Sears Catalog Men’s Underwear Town, where all the residents, including on-duty police officers, wear only underwear. All the residents are always in a good mood because they live only a few pages away from Sears Catalogue Women’s Underwear Town, which is occupied by hundreds of women who stand around all day wearing nothing but brassieres and underpants and thinking nothing of it. They probably get together late at night for wild parties in the Power Tools section.
The happy mood in the Sears underwear towns stands in stark contrast to the mood in Calvin Klein Perfume-Ad Town, where you’d THINK people would be ecstatic. Instead, they’re always writhing around in naked coeducational groups like worms in a bait bucket, with troubled expressions on their faces, as if they’re thinking: “SOMEBODY in this coeducational group should use Fabreeze.”
The sad truth is that men, as a group, have the fashion sense of cement. There are exceptions, but for every man walking around looking tasteful, there are at least ten men walking around wearing orange plaid Bermuda shorts and non-matching boxer shorts sticking out above AND below, and sometimes also poking out through the fly. It’s true---some men are notorious for having their underwear go out without them.
To learn more about the current men’s fashion “scene,” men should get a copy of ESQUIRE or GQ and study the ads and articles presenting the latest styles. They must keep in mind, though, that unless they’re male models, they’ll likely look frumpy.
One last underwear tip for you men: No doubt your mom always told you that your underwear should be clean and free of holes or stains, because you might get in a car crash and be taken, unconscious, to the hospital, and people would see your underwear and possibly ridicule it. You sure don’t want the doctor saying, “Whoa! Looky here!”
Bill Cosby said it doesn’t matter if your underwear is clean because if you’re driving and another car comes straight at you, “First you say it, then you do it.”