The effects of abuse stay with a person for his/her entire life. Some people are able to forgive the person or persons who abused them, but they still cannot forget the abuse itself and how it made them feel.

James (not his real name) alleges, "My father was extremely physically abusive to me in my childhood years until I was thirteen. When he came home drunk, I was the one he abused. I made myself the target to keep him away from my mother and younger siblings. I felt totally and completely worthless because of the abuse. For several years in my childhood, I was physically abused by an uncle, too. I became a loner ,because I felt like I was not worth anything."

"At age thirteen when my father brutally attacked my mother, I hit him with a baseball bat to get him to leave her alone. After that he pretty much left me alone; he knew I was going to defend myself. My parents divorced soon after that incident. Later my mother became ill and was not able to work for a period of time. I was fifteen and the oldest child so I quit school, lied about my age, and went to work. My father never paid any child support for his five children. So I was the one who had to help my family," continued James.

"At seventeen, I felt that it was too late to go back to high school, so I received my GED and joined the National Guard Reserve. I was in the reserve for four years, but during that time I was involved in a horrific accident that caused me to have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. While in the Guard I was also working full-time. I hurt my back at my job and that led to a diagnosis of degenerative disk disease and I continue to live with pain everyday. I was released from the service with a medical discharge because of my injury."

"I started using tobacco and then alcohol. My alcohol use began at age fifteen. It progressed to marijuana, then to methamphetamines, and cocaine. Five years ago after twenty–two years of alcohol and drug abuse, I was ready to end my life. I heard voices telling me to kill myself or to hurt someone else constantly. Nothing mattered to me. I was at the lowest low I had ever felt. I thought suicide was the only way out. I tried to hang myself three times, but someone intervened every time. I ran out in front of an eighteen wheeler, but the driver was able to stop less than five feet from where I stood. My last attempt involved a gun. My step-father was able to grab the gun just before I pulled the trigger. I fled to my aunt’s home after he had taken the gun away from me. My aunt pleaded with me to get help. She said that she knew that Mental Health Mental Retardation Services of Texoma (MHMRST) would help me and I should give it a try. I did go for help, and I found what I needed."

"I was admitted into a behavioral health hospital and then finally the state mental hospital at Wichita Falls. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My aunt was not surprised and told me about our long family history of mental illness. Everything made sense to me then. Everyone at MHMRST was kind to me. The doctor and caseworkers listened to me and their caring was worth its weight in gold. When I first started at MHMRST, I would not talk or even hold my head up. Then I began to see that they wanted to help me. My entire attitude changed."

"One morning after getting help from MHMRST, I got up and looked in the mirror. I did not like what I saw. I was still drinking heavily and doing street drugs. I decided it was time to do something about my life. I had been married twice with both marriages failing. Through the years, I had numerous relationships with girlfriends that did not last. I was not there for my two sons while they were growing up; one of them is in prison now. All of this grieved me enough to want to change and stop the substance abuse cycle. Since I stopped abusing substances, there are no more voices.

"I met the right woman, and we have been married for almost five years. My life has turned around. I am all about helping others. I mow yards for some elderly people. I grew up in church, but I had left my faith. Now I have returned to my faith. I have a neighbor who is a preacher, and he has helped me tremendously. MHMRST has helped me work through problem situations also. It has helped to have supportive family members and friends. Today I am thankful for everything I have. I know that I have gone through these experiences for a reason. I want to make a difference in other people’s lives. I also know that I would not be here today if not for the help I received from MHMRST. They saved my life," ends James.

MHMRST has mental health centers located in Cooke County at 301 West Broadway, Gainesville, 940-665-3962; Fannin County, 1221 East 6th Street, Bonham, 903-583-8583; and Grayson County, 315 West McLain, Sherman, 903-957-4701. Services available are: 24 hour toll free crisis line, 24 Hour Emergency Services, the Assertive Community Treatment Team (ACT), Case Management, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Community Based Assessments, Crisis Intervention, Medicaid Eligibility, Medication-Related Services, Respite Services, Skills Training, Small Groups, Supported Employment, Supported Housing and Transportation.

For more information and help, call your local mental health center. There is a 24 hour/7day a week/365 days a year toll-free crisis hotline. Anyone experiencing a mental health crisis should call: 1-877-277-2226.