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Crow's-Feet Chronicles: You use it---you lose it
By Cindy Baker Burnett
Aug 6, 2014
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A few days ago, I was driving to my sonís home in the country.  Three types of roads were engaged on my short trek---asphalt, oil, and gravel.  During my daydreaming state of mind (I once sat at a red light on the town square and moved forward when the time changed on the bank marquee), and with the only vehicles on my radar being Black Angus cows, I mechanically turned on my blinker when I pulled off the oil road onto the gravel one.  I felt silly.

 

Suddenly, it occurred to me that I had wasted a blink.  After all, if blinkers have set numbers of blinks in their lifetime, needless blinks would be a waste of good (horse?) power.  Wouldnít Heaven be sad with so many young blinkers passing through the Pearly Gates and all the blinkers with prudent users still blinking on earth? 

 

A high school chum of mine would hold his breath for 15 seconds every hour of the school day (sometimes with a loosened his gas cap).  He insisted that heíd live longer if he saved the number of breaths he took.  Blink---thatís what blinkers do.  Breathe---thatís what people do.  Conserve Ďem, I tell ya. 

 

Likewise, donít our knees, hips, and ankles come with ____ numbers of bends in our lifetime?  Sadly, I must have exceeded the number of factory bends that my right hip was programmed with at the time of my birth.  Last year, it had to be replaced.  I hate recalls.  It brings a tear to my eye when I think of the millions of people who are using up their bends at the gym every day.  If I had it to do over, Iíd sit more, snooze more, and idle more. 

 

Oh sure, I was still under warranty, and the hip trade-in was covered by Medicare and supplemental insurance.  But, it still inconvenienced me and left me with a half-moon scar on my chassis. 

 

We can all relate to our chews outliving our teeth.  Right?  Here again---recall.  Teeth could last longer if we stopped opening beer bottles with our teeth, crunching on ice, and sipping sugary sodas. Save your teeth!  Eat mashed potatoes & gravy, macaroni & cheese, and high octane milk shakes!    

 

Folks, wear good shoes.  Figuratively speaking, cheap shoes with little or no support will guzzle the nutrition from the food we eat.  Itís all in the way we walk.  Comfy and well-made sneakers keep our timing belts steady.  Too, rotating them regularly with well-made loafers will ensure that our shoes last longer and our closets smell fresher.    

 

Youíre probably thinking, ďAnd this kind of reasoning makes sense in what galaxy?Ē   Admit it, though.  You STILL avoid stepping on a crack in the sidewalk.

 

cindybaker@cableone.net