Crow's-Feet Chronicles: How much is that doggie in the window?
By Cindy Baker Burnett
Dec 12, 2017
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Tiny Tears was one of the most popular baby dolls of the 50s and early 60s. She was manufactured by American Character Doll Company and was offered in a variety of sizes in the time that she was available. Tiny also went through a couple of style changes over the years, but always retained the one characteristic that made her famous--she cried real tears! 

As I recall, my Tiny Tears had two tiny holes at the inside corners of her eyes. That allowed her to cry tears when her mommy (that would be me) squeezed her stomach after her baby bottle filled it with water. (In 1970, I stopped squeezing babies’ stomachs to make tears.) Unlike other dolls I had whose eyes snapped shut when laid horizontally, Tiny Tears’ “rock-a-bye” eyes slowly closed when she was laid down and gently rocked. My doll’s eyes were closed permanently when I ran outside to play and left her face down on the floor furnace. 

Dolls do far more than cry these days. The Baby Alive will drink her juice and wet her diaper, just like in real life. Squeeze her bracelet, and you have instant giggles. Don’t be alarmed, though—she also wiggles like a lap dancer and babbles like a sailor. 

There’s even an anatomically correct newborn baby doll, complete with wrinkles, and a fake umbilical cord. “Charlie” is the first anatomically correct little boy doll, right down to his little . . . nomination for the 2005 Doll Award for Excellence. His “outie” belly button is only one of his many jointed and poseable features. At $149.99, though, I’d insist on a homeroom teacher, too. 

Lanny Joe and I decided that toys have reached an all-time weird. While Christmas shopping for the grand kids at Target a few years back, we came upon a game called Doggie Doo. The game features a little Dachshund doggie with a leash, 4 poop scoops, a jar of food, a cookie cutter to measure out the snack, a bone, and one die. The game is pretty simple. The first player makes a doggie cookie, feeds the dog and puts the bone in the dog’s mouth. Then, the player rolls the die and pumps the leash handle according to the number on the die. As the food moves through the dog’s body, it makes a loud, disgusting sound. Folks, I can’t make up this stuff. 

As the game continues, and each player takes a turn squeezing the leash, the doggie doo will pass and eventually will exit the dog in the usual fashion. The player squeezing the leash when the dropping occurs must be a responsible dog owner and scoop up the droppings. The first one to collect 3 piles of poop before the other players wins the game. This is beyond BEYOND! What next? 

Whoopee Cushion Barbie?